Girlfriend – Paul's Tech Talk

Understanding The Way you communicate in an LDR!

PaulJanuary 25, 2020

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You Didn’t see this coming?

You probably didn’t see this coming as you started this long distance relationship. We’ve all been there, saying the same exact thing. LDR’s are extremely hard and can be almost heartbreaking. The idea that you want to be with them and do everything with them. You just got back from your trip to see your other Half and now you are down and depressed or maybe even crying your eyes out! This is what every guy or girl has went through after a visit. I’ve heard from people that it doesn’t get easier over time or some have learned to cope with it. Each person is really different when it comes to this process of keeping a relationship working and surviving the long days and nights without your other half.

The Truth behind Visits!

When I come home from every trip to see my other half for some it’s your Girlfriend or Boyfriend, it’s extremely hard to get back into my routines here because ultimately the problem exists where you just want to be with them rather than you wanting to be apart. Sometimes distances doesn’t make the heart grow fonder but makes it extremely hard. So, what I have to do after each visit is drag myself out of bed and get back to my routines but why do people even start doing a Long Distance Relationship? It all stems from several reasons, you can bet no one really expected to be in one. Some do it because they met one way or another while traveling, or playing games with that person and becoming friends through the process. Anyway it happens, I’ve found most people have a unique experience with an LDR.

Dealing with an LDR

There are a number ways of dealing with the distance, whether you keep really busy or finding other ways to cope with it. You can find many ways to deal with it like communicating daily or I have heard people staying on Video Chat while they sleep. I don’t get that but I’ve heard it in a few of my LDR groups. I am not sure if it is healthy or good idea to do. So you can see that it will be different for each person or couple. I’ve read ways to survive the distance and I believe that it can be very helpful to do some of these suggestions.

Other ways you can survive!

I’m going to suggest even more ways to survive the distance and these are what I’ve learned so far and I want to explain some of this and try to help those who have been there and done that. It can be extremely hard not go from one extreme to another.

Boundaries — setting boundaries can help prevent some arguments or problems. I’ve had arguments with my other half because she did stuff that shouldn’t or they get jealous over the little things. Set personal boundaries and say it isn’t OK for some stuff and let’s make the change that is needed.
Miscommunication will never go away — Depending on where your other half is in the world. You will find that no matter how long you are with that person apart, you will have miscommunications. It will start to get better because both of you will start understanding each other.
Be Slow to Anger — I had to deal with this one, and others. I’ve learned the past few years that nothing you do is worth getting angry with your better half. Learn to see the signs of getting angry and instead start listening even more and trying to see their perspective.
Have a realistic Goal(s) — each one of you should come up with your own realistic goal(s) and start doing them. Sometimes these goals can be anything from working harder or getting ready for your next visit!
Be open to change — When you started this relationship you probably never thought it would be changing and you to would be all lovey and dovey through the whole LDR. This is simply not true each one of us changes over our lifetime and when you finally close the distance you will see that they may of changed but is it for the worst or for the good. That is up to you to decide.

No relationship will be ever be the same as another or have the same exact circumstances. You will have to go through some bumps and trials in the road. You have a lot of hard work, a lot of sweat, and being apart but it will not be forever. This is what I’ve learned so far after almost 2 years in this relationship. Do you have something to say or talk about, why not leave a comment and tell people what you’ve learned?

The Bittersweet Taste of a LDR

PaulApril 11, 2019

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The Struggles are REAL!

51gpxebbkpl._sl250_ — The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman

I can’t state this enough for anyone who is reading this. Long Distance relationships are extremely hard. I could talk about the Upsides to an LDR and even the Downsides of a Long Distance relationship and if you haven’t been in one than this would be meaningless or maybe you can get an inkling of just how hard it is. Either way, if you are here you either experiencing this or want to know what you are getting into before you go find a girl or boy to be in an LDR.

Each relationship is different and it can because of each others needs. I love the book the 5 Love Languages By Gary Chapman(Amazon Affiliate) and I suggest this to anyone who might be in a relationship long distance or not because it will help you to understand your needs and their needs or wants in any given relationship.

The Touch is the hardest!

For those with the need to touch and be touched. This is extremely difficult because it is a basic need of our human experience and needs. You may not know how hard it is if touch is low on your 5 love languages but others might be high or why higher because they want to feel the love from their partner. Sometimes the first meeting is all about that touch because you might of been talking to them for months or even years and ant to feel them to connect to a higher level. That is normal for those starting out on this long distance relationships.

Communication is crucial!

Whether this is your first relationship or several, most people don’t communicate as well as they should and that can be another bittersweet problem. You learn to communicate even more than ever before. You learn to talk about your feelings and wants to them in ways you never thought you would. This is really difficult to those who never have done this and it’s a real learning experience to those who want this to be their last relationship. If you are going into this relationship expecting it to fail than you might as well just leave now and not even try.

You try Harder than a Normal relationship!

You will find out that you will work harder with this relationship than if you had them down the street or in your area. You will find that you have to work at this one because of the distance. They will have anxieties, need reassurance, or know they are loved and you will want that some time also. Each time you talk to them you will find out even more about them you probably ever did with the relationships locally. You probably know their likes, and dislikes and have talked to them constantly because of the distance factor. You probably already know them better than you have ever imagined.

You must be Creative!

You will find that you will be more creative in how you try to be with that relationship. You will want to watch videos on Youtube or maybe some other service like Netflix. If they are international than this will be harder. You can watch movies and shows from a service like Rabb.it but I find it is harder to do it. Sending post mail from time to time with themes is another good way to be creative. You can search youtube or the Web and find out others ways to be creative.

It can be expensive but I have already talked about that in my previous blog post. You can save money if you know when to buy the tickets and stuff for flights but I won’t get to much more into that one. These are just a few that I have found that make it so bittersweet, you will have other ones that I might of missed but I am sure it is different for each of us. I can’t wait to see my girlfriend again. In the end it’s all worth it.

What not to say to couples in an LDR!

PaulMarch 20, 20191 Reply

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Assumptions are everywhere!

I Hear You: The Surprisingly Simple Skill Behind Extraordinary Relationships On Amazon!

When you get into an ldr, it is really tough. It comes with highs and lows and even sometimes people like to assume too much! What I mean by that is really simple. Most of the time when someone finds out that I or my Girlfriend are in an long distance relationship, we get asked certain questions all the time. Most of the time they revolve around certain expectation or notions. I’m here to set some of the records straight about these speculations.

It’s not about the Money!

I or my Girlfriend always get asked in one way or another about money. Am I sending her money or is she getting money from me? It’s sometimes a slap in the face because I’m not an ATM or is she wanting me to be that. People who are in an LDR, are not in it for the money but for much more than money. They are looking for that one person who completes them or compliments their personality. That isn’t saying that there are few, select groups of people, who are in it for the money and trying to get it from unsuspecting individuals. You have to be watchful of those and know when to walk away and when it’s not really a viable long distance relationship.

The VISA angle!

There are a number of people who always ask is my Girlfriend moving here or come here to get her VISA. While it might be a reason to have an LDR it isn’t the case that she’s doing this for the VISA to get into a better country that she can make more money from. Most of the time when you meet someone who just makes you a better person, You don’t care about that. If the relationship they or you will most likely move to to be closer but it doesn’t always mean it’s going to be the female to move. I’ve seen males move to be closer or to close the gap so to speak. If they really want to be with you then that will be the deciding factor and let’s not forget about in any relationship there will be compromises. That’s the nature of a healthy relationship.

It won’t Last!

10,000 Miles for Love : turn LDR into Long Lasting Love on Amazon!

This one really gets me going when it comes to people speculations, and assumptions. Most of the time people will say this not trying to be mean but it tends to come across that way with me and others. I’m sure they mean well and aren’t trying to be that way but it usually does annoy me or other people in the LDR. It even goes so far as close family members saying that. Although I haven’t had this happen to my family members it seems to be make me think they are hopeful it won’t continue. It usually starts showing in peoples faces in the beginning of the relationship and then you hear them say stuff like “don’t get to emotionally involved” or “Don’t love them to much” because they are worried about you getting hurt. I get where they are saying this and trying to be helpful but it can still make the person feel like you are saying it won’t last. Please don’t do that, it does nothing to help the situation.

How can you be in a real relationship?

Most of the time the question pops up from people who have never been in an LDR and only think it is all about being physical with their partner. Although this is an factor in any relationship but with a LDR it is even more harder to be physical with your partner when you only see them a few times a year and even then it’s for short period time. It’s not all about it but more about commitment, communications, and knowing what you want. It’s not the individual fault that they deduce that it is impossible because they may need to be more physical. Don’t take what they say to heart because of it. Just know that you have to be the one to decide if you can or can’t do an LDR. It’s just best to say “Bless your heart!” whenever someone says something like these and just smile!

As always, if you like what you read and want to share this on facebook, or some other social media network, I encourage you to do just that. Got any stories you want to share with other people about what people say when they find out you are in a Long Distance relationship please feel free to comment and help others know they aren’t alone when it comes to these types of comments, questions, or assumptions.

Staying Positive in a long distance relationship!

PaulMarch 5, 20191 Reply

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It’s really hard!

So you got into a long distance relationship and you are struggling? So now you are wondering how you will not be so negative all the time. It truly can be very hard for anyone to be apart from that one person who makes you smile and makes the world of difference in even the simplest activities. I know in my current situation this is the case.

My girlfriend and I met in December and I came back and felt lost and down because I already missing her terribly.

We had a great first meeting of 9 days and I wouldn’t change a thing. The problem is quite clear to me and others that you now have to get back into your routines. All the while you are wishing you could go back and hold their hand or kiss them, or even just their smell next to you.

I know the longing that accompanies being in a long distance relationship.

Write down your thoughts!

I started this blog for that one reason. I had to down my thoughts and be an example to those who might be having Trials and Tribulations! If you want to stay positive tell that person how much they mean to you and keep a journal or send them cards from time to time. They maybe going through some rough patches just like you and need that reassurance for the same thing as you. They have to constantly fight the negative thoughts and people who are a constant problem in any LDR.

Video Chat as much as possible!

This one can be hard for some because of their schedules but you need that face time with that special someone. I try to do that with my girlfriend as much as possible. Some recommend not doing that everyday but each relationship is different and you will need to decide just how much you can do it or if you want to limit your time talking to him/her. If you can’t Video chat all the time then set a schedule on when you will do it and make sure you keep that schedule but remember you must be flexible enough from time to time because of emergencies or stuff that happens from time to time.

Set the next meeting!

This one is most important to me because each time you visit you have to decide just how soon you want to return to see them. If they can come to see you then that is also good but understand that some people can’t afford to travel because of Visa’s or even having children. Don’t expect them to contribute just as much as you are doing. Make a plan and stick with it, even if it’s not the most desirable idea or plan. You may get there and see the world through a different perspective. Go ahead and buy that ticket that way can start saving for other things for your next trip. I’ve heard buying your ticket on Tuesday mornings will cheapest and the price will change. If you must watch how much you spend then buy it.

Listen to positive Music!

This is my go to when I am feeling down and about. I turn on Pandora or Spotify and I listen to music that brings me closer to her or uplifts me when I need it. If you aren’t into music, I would recommend getting some exercise and doing stuff with friends and family. Either way this helps keeps me from getting to depressed and lonely.

That’s it for me!

Even though this is a small list of things that you can do to stay positive in a long distance relationship this at least helps to move you in the right direction and hopefully to closing the gap and being with them forever. If you have ways to keep positive why not share them in the comments section and help others who might be struggling!

Trials and Tribulations

PaulFebruary 28, 20192 Replies

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Trials of it all!

You are probably here because someone said something negative probably from parents, friends, and even siblings. They’ve probably said stuff like “This won’t work!“, “Couldn’t you find someone closer?” or they would give jealous comments about how you are going on vacations to far off countries or lands. Each time you probably wonder why people say these things or have their doubts.

My own family even stated that once or twice already in one way or fashion. They wouldn’t support our relationship or even make any reference as to her being my girlfriend. So I know how hard it is to see my Girlfriend once a year, so I can only imagine others who are doing it twice or three times a year to see your girlfriend/boyfriend a year. I’ve heard some even do it once a month but they are closer than the average Long Distance Relationship!

What Doesn’t Kill you makes you stronger!

You’ve all heard this saying and it probably makes you cringe now. LDR’s are extremely difficult for anyone because you have to trust, and communicate even more than with a relationship that might be local. Each time there is a fight, or some missed communication, You have to try even harder to do fix the problems. There are a few things that I keep in the back of my mind:

Never be afraid to say sorry, it’s not a weakness but a strength.
Never be afraid to say you are right, sometimes our ego gets in the way!
Just because you love them doesn’t mean you will fight, so fight fair!
Always say you love them because you never know if you will have that chance later on!
Be ready to compromise because not everything is life or death.
Talk through your problems, in the end you will become better in the end.

In the end, it’s about your happiness and what you are wanting to do to get that happiness. No one not even family can fully give you the happiness that you so desire and want.

Trust is Everything!

At the end of the day, trust with that GF/BF who might be hours away to days away is essential to have a LDR. So I figured it was high time to let you explore some links that I found that might help you even more on building and maintaining trust:

These are just a few but it’s a start. Now let’s just tell you what I think and go from there. In my life its three basic things that make a successful LDR and they are:

Trust
Commitment
Communication

Everything else will fall into at the given time. Each Long Distance relationship is different and each individual is also different so you have to come up with ways to make you relationship work for you. I hope this post has helped some.