Tag: Relationship advice

Understanding The Way you communicate in an LDR!

Paul
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You Didn’t see this coming?

You probably didn’t see this coming as you started this long distance relationship. We’ve all been there, saying the same exact thing. LDR’s are extremely hard and can be almost heartbreaking. The idea that you want to be with them and do everything with them. You just got back from your trip to see your other Half and now you are down and depressed or maybe even crying your eyes out! This is what every guy or girl has went through after a visit. I’ve heard from people that it doesn’t get easier over time or some have learned to cope with it. Each person is really different when it comes to this process of keeping a relationship working and surviving the long days and nights without your other half.

The Truth behind Visits!

When I come home from every trip to see my other half for some it’s your Girlfriend or Boyfriend, it’s extremely hard to get back into my routines here because ultimately the problem exists where you just want to be with them rather than you wanting to be apart. Sometimes distances doesn’t make the heart grow fonder but makes it extremely hard. So, what I have to do after each visit is drag myself out of bed and get back to my routines but why do people even start doing a Long Distance Relationship? It all stems from several reasons, you can bet no one really expected to be in one. Some do it because they met one way or another while traveling, or playing games with that person and becoming friends through the process. Anyway it happens, I’ve found most people have a unique experience with an LDR.

Dealing with an LDR

There are a number ways of dealing with the distance, whether you keep really busy or finding other ways to cope with it. You can find many ways to deal with it like communicating daily or I have heard people staying on Video Chat while they sleep. I don’t get that but I’ve heard it in a few of my LDR groups. I am not sure if it is healthy or good idea to do. So you can see that it will be different for each person or couple. I’ve read ways to survive the distance and I believe that it can be very helpful to do some of these suggestions.

Other ways you can survive!

I’m going to suggest even more ways to survive the distance and these are what I’ve learned so far and I want to explain some of this and try to help those who have been there and done that. It can be extremely hard not go from one extreme to another.

  • Boundaries — setting boundaries can help prevent some arguments or problems. I’ve had arguments with my other half because she did stuff that shouldn’t or they get jealous over the little things. Set personal boundaries and say it isn’t OK for some stuff and let’s make the change that is needed.
  • Miscommunication will never go away — Depending on where your other half is in the world. You will find that no matter how long you are with that person apart, you will have miscommunications. It will start to get better because both of you will start understanding each other.
  • Be Slow to Anger — I had to deal with this one, and others. I’ve learned the past few years that nothing you do is worth getting angry with your better half. Learn to see the signs of getting angry and instead start listening even more and trying to see their perspective.
  • Have a realistic Goal(s) — each one of you should come up with your own realistic goal(s) and start doing them. Sometimes these goals can be anything from working harder or getting ready for your next visit!
  • Be open to change — When you started this relationship you probably never thought it would be changing and you to would be all lovey and dovey through the whole LDR. This is simply not true each one of us changes over our lifetime and when you finally close the distance you will see that they may of changed but is it for the worst or for the good. That is up to you to decide.

No relationship will be ever be the same as another or have the same exact circumstances. You will have to go through some bumps and trials in the road. You have a lot of hard work, a lot of sweat, and being apart but it will not be forever. This is what I’ve learned so far after almost 2 years in this relationship. Do you have something to say or talk about, why not leave a comment and tell people what you’ve learned?

The Bittersweet Taste of a LDR

Paul
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The Struggles are REAL!

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The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman

I can’t state this enough for anyone who is reading this.   Long Distance relationships are extremely hard.  I could talk about the Upsides to an LDR and even the Downsides of a Long Distance relationship and if you haven’t been in one than this would be meaningless or maybe you can get an inkling of just how hard it is.  Either way, if you are here you either experiencing this or want to know what you are getting into before you go find a girl or boy to be in an LDR.

Each relationship is different and it can because of each others needs.   I love the book the 5 Love Languages By Gary Chapman(Amazon Affiliate) and I suggest this to anyone who might be in a relationship long distance or not because it will help you to understand your needs and their needs or wants in any given relationship.

The Touch is the hardest!

For those with the need to touch and be touched.   This is extremely difficult because it is a basic need of our human experience and needs.  You may not know how hard it is if touch is low on your 5 love languages but others might be high or why higher because they want to feel the love from their partner.   Sometimes the first meeting is all about that touch because you might of been talking to them for months or even years and ant to feel them to connect to a higher level.   That is normal for those starting out on this long distance relationships.

Communication is crucial!

51bwjxunfnlWhether this is your first relationship or several, most people don’t communicate as well as they should and that can be another bittersweet problem.   You learn to communicate even more than ever before.   You learn to talk about your feelings and wants to them in ways you never thought you would.   This is really difficult to those who never have done this and it’s a real learning experience to those who want this to be their last relationship.   If you are going into this relationship expecting it to fail than you might as well just leave now and not even try.

You try Harder than a Normal relationship!

You will find out that you will work harder with this relationship than if you had them down the street or in your area.   You will find that you have to work at this one because of the distance.   They will have anxieties, need reassurance, or know they are loved and you will want that some time also. Each time you talk to them you will find out even more about them you probably ever did with the relationships locally.   You probably know their likes, and dislikes and have talked to them constantly because of the distance factor.   You probably already know them better than you have ever imagined.

You must be Creative!

You will find that you will be more creative in how you try to be with that relationship.   You will want to watch videos on Youtube or maybe some other service like Netflix.   If they are international than this will be harder.   You can watch movies and shows from a service like Rabb.it but I find it is harder to do it.  Sending post mail from time to time with themes is another good way to be creative.   You can search youtube or the Web and find out others ways to be creative.

It can be expensive but I have already talked about that in my previous blog post.   You can save money if you know when to buy the tickets and stuff for flights but I won’t get to much more into that one.     These are just a few that I have found that make it so bittersweet, you will have other ones that I might of missed but I am sure it is different for each of us.   I can’t wait to see my girlfriend again.   In the end it’s all worth it.

Trials and Tribulations

Paul2 Replies
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Trials of it all!

You are probably here because someone said something negative probably from parents, friends, and even siblings.   They’ve probably said stuff like “This won’t work!“,  “Couldn’t you find someone closer?” or they would give jealous comments about how you are going on vacations to far off countries or lands.     Each time you probably wonder why people say these things or have their doubts.

My own family even stated that once or twice already in one way or fashion.   They wouldn’t support our relationship or even make any reference as to her being my girlfriend.   So I know how hard it is to see my Girlfriend once a year, so I can only imagine others who are doing it twice or three times a year to see your girlfriend/boyfriend a year.   I’ve heard some even do it once a month but they are closer than the average Long Distance Relationship!

What Doesn’t Kill you makes you stronger!

You’ve all heard this saying and it probably makes you cringe now.   LDR’s are extremely difficult for anyone because you have to trust, and communicate even more than with a relationship that might be local.   Each time there is a fight, or some missed communication, You have to try even harder to do fix the problems.   There are a few things that I keep in the back of my mind:

  • Never be afraid to say sorry, it’s not a weakness but a strength.
  • Never be afraid to say you are right, sometimes our ego gets in the way!
  • Just because you love them doesn’t mean you will fight, so fight fair!
  • Always say you love them because you never know if you will have that chance later on!
  • Be ready to compromise because not everything is life or death.
  • Talk through your problems, in the end you will become better in the end.

In the end, it’s about your happiness and what you are wanting to do to get that happiness.   No one not even family can fully give you the happiness that you so desire and want.

Trust is Everything!

At the end of the day, trust with that GF/BF who might be hours away to days away is essential to have a LDR.  So I figured it was high time to let you explore some links that I found that might help you even more on building and maintaining trust:

These are just a few but it’s a start.   Now let’s just tell you what I think and go from there.   In my life its three basic things that make a successful LDR and they are:

  1. Trust
  2. Commitment
  3. Communication

Everything else will fall into at the given time.   Each Long Distance relationship is different and each individual is also different so you have to come up with ways to make you relationship work for you.   I hope this post has helped some.

The Beginning of my LDR!

Paul1 Reply

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Trust is KEY!

Being in a long distance relationship can be very hard.   I will say that I have been in one for over 6 months and each day is very hard.   The First thing you must learn is that you need to build the trust of the person.   Talk about yourself and be absolutely open to the idea that this might actually be a thing.   Be completely truthful to them even if it hurts to open up like that.   I learned this the first week of getting to know my girlfriend.   Let’s begin by talking about who this woman is that has my heart.

We will start discussing this in full in my next blog post!

Happen chance meeting

We initially met on OkCupid, and we started talking back and fourth on OkCupid.   We sent messages and started to see there was something special about each other.   She has kids and I had kids but that help strengthen our understanding of each other because we both knew how kids were always going to be a relationship dynamic in our current situation.

We started to get serious and she wanted to close her OkCupid account and just focus on us to see where it goes.   We went from OkCupid to Whatsapp which allows us to video call and talk to each other a little more securely.  We started video chatting about a week into talking on WhatsApp.

The first video I was so nervous and I think she was too.   After the first video chat, I knew she had my heart even just a little.

Nothing is Easy!

The problem with meeting someone on the internet is that you never really know who they are until you are willing to share pictures and video with them.

Some people have a really hard time with video chatting because they have so many insecurities and that can bring about problems in the long.   So you have to decide what you are willing to do and what you want out of the relationship.

  • Can you do a long distance relationship or is it to much for you?
  • Do you need touch them?
  • Can you survive with just texting, video chatting, and pictures from time to time?
  • Can you trust them completely?
  • How do I build trust?
  • What’s my next step in this Long Distance Relationship?

These are the questions that you first have to answer and resolve in any relationship!  If you can’t answer these questions then you might not be suited for a long Distance relationships but I know it will be worth it in the end.