Before the Breakup
She said I was the only one who ever truly loved her. She cried when she said it, and I believed every word. I thought I was helping her heal, giving her something no one else ever had: unconditional love, safety, support. But the truth unraveled slowly—and painfully. After the break up, she began to say this Behind my back, she painted me as the villain, telling others I was manipulative, controlling, even dangerous. The same woman who clung to me in private was tearing me down in public. That’s the thing about emotional manipulation—it doesn’t start with a scream. It starts with a whisper that sounds a lot like love. Some of the most common phrases she said that showed me who she was after the breakup. Here’s some of the comments she sent through email and even through Whatsapp:
- “You never let me make my own decisions.” — Making it seem like she’s the victim
- “I do not want to be controlled anymore. You have done that too much.” – Projection by Her
- “I was never enough for you, was I?” — Guilt Tripping
- “Nobody has ever loved me like you.” — Transactional and other benefits
- “You gave up on me like everyone else.” — Making it look like she’s the victim
- “You’re making me look like the bad one again.” — another Victim comment
- “You always misunderstand me.” — Gaslighting
- “Even your family thinks I deserve better.” — triangulation with my Family
Understanding the Dynamics
It really took me a while to understand what was going on with her because this was one of the longer relationships I have had. I made mistakes, I should of asked about her past relationship and saw the signs of her always looking like a victim and I should of saw the other signs that since she is in a third world country she was always be complaining about how she hated Gold Diggers in the Philippines that is something you must be watchful also. She would also use her kids as a way to tug at your heart because of school fees and supplies. So if you have someone like that, run the other direction. Understand me, it is not about money but about manipulative and being dismissive towards me that really got me thinking about if this was the right relationship for me. She constantly went and talked to my sisters about me and that wasn’t even good too. Should of been another red flag.
Self Esteem and Self Reflecting
It was at that time that I finally found my inner strength. I was so morally and psychologically abused by her and I just broke and started yelling at her about what she has done and she was just all quite and said she felt like a toxic relationship because she would say stuff on WA and then delete them because she knew she said stuff that was wrong but didn’t want me to hold her accountable and that started when I first met her. So this should of been a red flag too but When you are being loved bombed by a woman and she is saying all these sweet things and trying to hook you into being with her this can be very hard to see. You know what they say about Hindsight being 20/20. After much of the me looking back at all her messages on Whatsapp and having ChatGPT look through the text messages. You just basically copy and paste the text from Whatsapp into ChatGPT and ask it to analyze the chat text. It showed me after the fact that she was being manipulative and possible have a narcissist behavior. The terrible truth about her need in supply was financial abuse and always critiquing what I did and how I did it. She also used Sex as a weapon and it was her way to keep control of me I think. Another Red Flag, I think.
I’m writing this to warn others about the dangers of having a Long Distance Relationship in a third world country and just to be cautious of the types of women you meet online and even offline and to be watchful for these types of dynamics and to know when it is enough to make you turn around and run away. Don’t get me wrong there are women or men in the those countries who are great and will not cause a problem but there will always be those who are transactional and want you to support them by sending money. Be wary of those types of people even if they don’t ask it they will imply it someway or make you feel guilty to have you send it to them. Got a story about one such relationship, why not leave a comment and talk about your story. I’d love to hear your story and see if it has happened to you also.
Janice Marie Seva (Flores) Negros, Bacolod
