How to Cope with being in LDR!

Paul
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Distance is Hard!

Every day you are talking with your girlfriend or boyfriend.   It’s hard, lonely and even downright depressing.   I’ve been experiencing this since I left her a few weeks ago.   You get depressed and start missing them because you were so happy together and thinking about how nice and great it was to be with them or something like that.  Each person is really different so I am sure it is different for every person.   I figured I would write about my experiences and help with the distance who might be experiencing these things!

Constant Sadness

After the visit with your girlfriend or boyfriend, you will be sad and maybe even need to cry.   It can be quiet hard to get out of bed and start the lonely routines that you had before you he/she came and now you are wondering how do you get through it.  

  • Create Goals —  I’ve found creating goals can be a tremendous help with fighting the Sadness and putting your mindset on something. 
  • Find friends — Another good way to get past the constant sadness is finding friends to talk about this because you won’t feel so lonely.
  • Schedule the next Trip — If you can start thinking about  the next trip and keeping your mind positive is very important in an LDR.

These are just a few that I can think of right now but I am sure if you are looking for more ways to cope with the distance you can google it.   

Other ways to Deal with it!

Now before I talk about this,  I am no doctor so do this at your own risk.   I know it helps me so I thought I would at least mention these and let you decide if you want to try this.   I strongly recommend you talk to your doctor before you try some of the the herbal remedies:

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  • Ashwagandha 450mg — I’ve been talking this for the past few weeks and my mood has been generally better.   So you can try it yourself.
  • Gaba 750mg —   This is a naturally produced in the brain and an Amino Acid.   It helps to calm my mind at night but I also have been using it in the morning due to the LDR.  So it works really well for me from being moody!
  • L-Theanine 200mg —  It can be found in any sleep formula but I also like to take this at night to help with my sleeping because you know how your mind likes to keep you awake.   This one is really good also for LDR but should be used at night only.

These are what I do to help with the who Long Distance sadness and missing her but I am sure there are even more things you can do to get through those long periods of not being together physically!  If you have tips and tricks and want to share just leave them in the comments section.   Remember to subscribe to my blog for even more stuff about LDRS!  

I’m Back! It’s Been a while!

Paul
The Ruins
The Ruins of Talisay, Negros Occidental, (Copyright by me) All Rights are mine!

8 Years!

It’s been such a long time since I started this blog in 2006 or so. I can’t even remember when I did this! Well Let’s start off by talking about what I have been doing since I ended this blog in 2012. I started my business and traveled half away around the world! That part is special to me, but I am not done with this journey. I decided to start blogging again for reasons that are mine! I am going to go back to the basics with this blog.

Back to Basics!

I’ve decided to go back to basics and blog about stuff that are common problems in Windows and Linux systems. I am currently just going to build my blog from what I know. It should be interesting and challenging all in one. This will be the best blog ever! I intend to find content and introduce my own content later on! I just need to start blogging. I will be working on other things in my life. My love life, my house life, and traveling . So you will get a unique perspective of my life. It should be interesting and challenging to say the least.

My old blog posts!

I don’t know if I kept my old blog post backed up but if I find them, I’ll be uploading them into this server sometime in the coming weeks! You can find some of it at paulstechtalk.squarespace.com, It will become more and more personalized in the coming weeks and month but I am going to put more time into this than I can to build my audience and readers. So until then keep coming back and telling your friends that I am back!

The Bittersweet Taste of a LDR

Paul
affection afterglow backlit blur
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The Struggles are REAL!

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The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman

I can’t state this enough for anyone who is reading this.   Long Distance relationships are extremely hard.  I could talk about the Upsides to an LDR and even the Downsides of a Long Distance relationship and if you haven’t been in one than this would be meaningless or maybe you can get an inkling of just how hard it is.  Either way, if you are here you either experiencing this or want to know what you are getting into before you go find a girl or boy to be in an LDR.

Each relationship is different and it can because of each others needs.   I love the book the 5 Love Languages By Gary Chapman(Amazon Affiliate) and I suggest this to anyone who might be in a relationship long distance or not because it will help you to understand your needs and their needs or wants in any given relationship.

The Touch is the hardest!

For those with the need to touch and be touched.   This is extremely difficult because it is a basic need of our human experience and needs.  You may not know how hard it is if touch is low on your 5 love languages but others might be high or why higher because they want to feel the love from their partner.   Sometimes the first meeting is all about that touch because you might of been talking to them for months or even years and ant to feel them to connect to a higher level.   That is normal for those starting out on this long distance relationships.

Communication is crucial!

51bwjxunfnlWhether this is your first relationship or several, most people don’t communicate as well as they should and that can be another bittersweet problem.   You learn to communicate even more than ever before.   You learn to talk about your feelings and wants to them in ways you never thought you would.   This is really difficult to those who never have done this and it’s a real learning experience to those who want this to be their last relationship.   If you are going into this relationship expecting it to fail than you might as well just leave now and not even try.

You try Harder than a Normal relationship!

You will find out that you will work harder with this relationship than if you had them down the street or in your area.   You will find that you have to work at this one because of the distance.   They will have anxieties, need reassurance, or know they are loved and you will want that some time also. Each time you talk to them you will find out even more about them you probably ever did with the relationships locally.   You probably know their likes, and dislikes and have talked to them constantly because of the distance factor.   You probably already know them better than you have ever imagined.

You must be Creative!

You will find that you will be more creative in how you try to be with that relationship.   You will want to watch videos on Youtube or maybe some other service like Netflix.   If they are international than this will be harder.   You can watch movies and shows from a service like Rabb.it but I find it is harder to do it.  Sending post mail from time to time with themes is another good way to be creative.   You can search youtube or the Web and find out others ways to be creative.

It can be expensive but I have already talked about that in my previous blog post.   You can save money if you know when to buy the tickets and stuff for flights but I won’t get to much more into that one.     These are just a few that I have found that make it so bittersweet, you will have other ones that I might of missed but I am sure it is different for each of us.   I can’t wait to see my girlfriend again.   In the end it’s all worth it.

Surviving the long flights!

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You first international flight!

1062163_us_audible_sanamd_homestead_medium_rectangle_3_300x250Where ever you might be going, if you are like me, you were so scared and worried that you would miss a flight or something like that. You also probably was scared to death to meet that one person for the first time.   You’ve been wanting to meet for several hours to years of talking to them.   When I first started talking to my Girlfriend and we haven’t met in person.   I really had this desire to meet her and see what could happen, so I bought my ticket!  You can bet I had all these thoughts going through my mind, will she like who she sees in person and what if I didn’t like her.   Will it be everything I imagined?  I’ll say this much, the meeting went very well.   It was like we knew each other way before we even met online.

Proverbs 4:23 Above all else, guard your heart,
    for everything you do flows from it.

Getting Ready for the long Flight!

If you are like me, you had to get a few things before you could even think about buying that ticket.   You needed to buy a Passport, vaccinations, and even finding a place to stay. You may even need to buy travel supplies from toothpaste to feminine hygiene.   I can’t express this enough.   The first meeting you should always have a place to stay for yourself because not all first meetings ever go good and it’s a small chance that you might be one of them.   I have always adhered to being prepared the boy scout motto.  When I went to meet her for the first time, I had a place of my own to sleep and live from for my duration of the visit.   Don’t depend on your GF/BF for a place to stay even if you trust them explicitly.   There is always that chance that you will find something out that will make it impossible to stay with them.

Depending on your country’s origin, there may be more requirements than I had to go through to see my girlfriend.   Some countries require you to have a visa even just to visit that country.   So do you research and don’t be afraid to call your airlines and ask them what you might need.  I was the lucky one because I knew how long I can stay in her country before I would be required to get a visa.   Some countries are more tolerant than others.

Supplies you may need!

So here is my list of things you probably will need to survive that long flight but before I say that I should explain what I consider what a long flight is.   In my opinion a long flight is anything from 8 to 32 or more hours with layovers included.   A layover is when you have to wait for the next flight to take off and you can have anywhere from 2 hours to the next day but most of the time it’s only a few hours.

The site get money from affiliate links and all these links are from Amazon Affiliate program.   If you don’t believe in helping me pay for this site and content than you can go directly to amazon or local market and buy these yourself.

These are my basics for when I go on my long flights because of time zones and such the Melatonin is good for sleeping on the noisy plane and the bluetooth headphones will help you drown out the noise of the plane.   I usually have a two hour flight layover and I try to get a little sleep on the trip there and back.   When you can’t sleep I do this and it knocks me out everytime without much side effects.

Get Aisle seats

this is a quick tip for anyone who has to fly a long distance and only because if you have the aisle sets you can usually get up to go the bathroom without getting in the way of others but most people understand you need to go to the bathroom but it’s definite a plus for me because I don’t have to bother anyone.   Also if the person in the aisle seat goes to the bathroom, it isn’t a bad idea to go to the bathroom anyway.   This is a quick tip and I hope these recommendations help you to survive that long trip to see that one special person that you’ve been talking to for so long.   If you like these recommendations please consider supporting this site by using my affiliate links to help pay for storage and domain.   Thank you for reading this!

Got even more tips for travelers than please feel free to comment below and help those who might want even more tips.

What not to say to couples in an LDR!

Paul1 Reply
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Assumptions are everywhere!

I Hear You: The Surprisingly Simple Skill Behind Extraordinary Relationships On Amazon!

When you get into an ldr, it is really tough. It comes with highs and lows and even sometimes people like to assume too much! What I mean by that is really simple. Most of the time when someone finds out that I or my Girlfriend are in an long distance relationship, we get asked certain questions all the time. Most of the time they revolve around certain expectation or notions. I’m here to set some of the records straight about these speculations.

It’s not about the Money!

I or my Girlfriend always get asked in one way or another about money. Am I sending her money or is she getting money from me? It’s sometimes a slap in the face because I’m not an ATM or is she wanting me to be that. People who are in an LDR, are not in it for the money but for much more than money. They are looking for that one person who completes them or compliments their personality. That isn’t saying that there are few, select groups of people, who are in it for the money and trying to get it from unsuspecting individuals. You have to be watchful of those and know when to walk away and when it’s not really a viable long distance relationship.

The VISA angle!

There are a number of people who always ask is my Girlfriend moving here or come here to get her VISA. While it might be a reason to have an LDR it isn’t the case that she’s doing this for the VISA to get into a better country that she can make more money from. Most of the time when you meet someone who just makes you a better person, You don’t care about that. If the relationship they or you will most likely move to to be closer but it doesn’t always mean it’s going to be the female to move. I’ve seen males move to be closer or to close the gap so to speak. If they really want to be with you then that will be the deciding factor and let’s not forget about in any relationship there will be compromises. That’s the nature of a healthy relationship.

It won’t Last!

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This one really gets me going when it comes to people speculations, and assumptions. Most of the time people will say this not trying to be mean but it tends to come across that way with me and others. I’m sure they mean well and aren’t trying to be that way but it usually does annoy me or other people in the LDR. It even goes so far as close family members saying that. Although I haven’t had this happen to my family members it seems to be make me think they are hopeful it won’t continue. It usually starts showing in peoples faces in the beginning of the relationship and then you hear them say stuff like “don’t get to emotionally involved” or “Don’t love them to much” because they are worried about you getting hurt. I get where they are saying this and trying to be helpful but it can still make the person feel like you are saying it won’t last. Please don’t do that, it does nothing to help the situation.

How can you be in a real relationship?

Most of the time the question pops up from people who have never been in an LDR and only think it is all about being physical with their partner. Although this is an factor in any relationship but with a LDR it is even more harder to be physical with your partner when you only see them a few times a year and even then it’s for short period time. It’s not all about it but more about commitment, communications, and knowing what you want. It’s not the individual fault that they deduce that it is impossible because they may need to be more physical. Don’t take what they say to heart because of it. Just know that you have to be the one to decide if you can or can’t do an LDR. It’s just best to say “Bless your heart!” whenever someone says something like these and just smile!

As always, if you like what you read and want to share this on facebook, or some other social media network, I encourage you to do just that. Got any stories you want to share with other people about what people say when they find out you are in a Long Distance relationship please feel free to comment and help others know they aren’t alone when it comes to these types of comments, questions, or assumptions.