What really happens after a Breakup
Most of the time it isn’t even the fact that you broke up with that is the bigger picture but the relief and exhaustion of having to deal with them. It isn’t something I encourage people to experience. A narcissist only wants to control and power and manipulation. That’s what they like and think they deserve to be the center of the world. It however isn’t something that is ever been talked until recently. We have so many people with this condition that it isn’t even funny. It’s dysfunctional at the very least and toxic at the core of a relationship. When you finally start seeing the signs of the narcissist relationship and even the dynamics it can be too late. Some of the signs they have issues are quite hard to see at the beginning of the relationship.
- Idealization – They put you on a Pedistal and make you feel like your the most important person in the world. It is usually the first step but can be also included in love bombing techniques.
- Love Bombing – This is usually their first and second step to grab you and start the process to prevent you from leaving to soon. They will flatter you and give you all the attention but that’s just the ploy.
- Devaluation – This is where they start to dismiss your feelings and gaslight you into doubting your own truth. They don’t care about your feelings or truths and they only want you to give to them. This is the problem with kind people they don’t understand that having boundaries is a good thing. Narcissist love kind people because they hope you don’t notice the cycles until it is too late. This stage they usually stop chasing you and hope you don’t stop chasing them.
- Repeat Cycle – I call this the hair washing cycle. Rinse, lather, repeat. They will continue to do this cycle. It’s basically Love bombing and devaluation cycles back and forth until you are walking on eggshells.
- Discard Phase – If you get to this one you are mostly done for the time being. This is where they will find a way to get you to leave or make it so you can’t do anything but have to leave. if you leave on your own, this will cause them to double down and try to get you back. This never ends well for the person unless they decide to do a no-contact and block them every place they can.
Narcissist Abuse is real!
It can be hard to understand unless you have had this before but when you are in a relationship with a narcissist, it is doubling hard to see the next relationship any better. You’ll always looking for those red flags and even when you see green flags you are still looking for them acting like a narcissist. They will leave a long term mark on you thoughts and it takes a strong man or woman to call it out. Having said that, it can be quite a challenge for anyone who has been the victim of a narcissist relationship. The Narcissist will not give up though, if you leave or they discard you they may come around again to get their supply of you attention or whatever they may consider to them they need for love. It’s usually an ego that needs stroking and they will come back when they don’t have anyone lined up to continue the process.
Hovering, Flying Monkeys, and even Triangulation
I put these together because they basically are Narcissist ways of controlling you. They have friends and family who will let them know what you are doing after the relationship. They will use every tactic in the book to keep you isolated and make sure they can hoover or control you from afar. This is why it is best to block their friends and family and ready for this when they decide they want to come back to you for their attention and other things they need. Flying monkeys will tell the narcissist if you are in a relationship and they will go so far as to smear your name to your next relationship just to show they have control over you. The real problem is they want to feel powerful and control every aspect of the relationship even after your have broken up. This can be rather harsh for people to accept but you will have several months to even years before they forget you and go on to another supply. You’ll just need to stand your ground and learn what to do to fight back and set boundaries. They will use triangulation to make it sound like they were the victim and you were the problem so it can be quite difficult to keep going after that unless you are far enough away to not be bothered by the smear campaigns.
Learn the Signs here are some good websites to visit to learn even more about narcissist abuse and toxic relationship”
https://www.verywellmind.com/narcissistic-abuse-cycle-stages-impact-and-coping-6363187
